Vampires. Werewolves. Billionaires. Surgeons. Pirates. The dream archetype literary hero of a majority of women. Allegedly. And so for the longest time, we were inundated with vampire plotlines. Back then, I kept up with the Joneses so of course I was a twilight babe through and through. Until I came to my senses and stopped watching TV. The point however is that green flags for many women equals high aggression in the male dominance hierarchy. Á la vampires and werewolves. Do you believe it? I don’t know of any healthy woman who craves violence to tame, as suggested. What? Like animals? Come on now.

Back to the archetypes- surgeons and billionaires, okay let’s bite. Do we have morally upright billionaires? Who stand by a consistent set of values throughout their wealth building? I’m not talking about billionaire philanthropy- the idea that one’s charity is announced and very visible astounds me. That aside, isn’t the very nature of extreme wealth concentration unethical? How do you build it without trampling on others’ rights? How do you sustain it? I would love to be wrong- can you imagine the sadaqa opportunities?

Now surgeons, I approve. I don’t think it gets any better than this. I advise anyone seeking career guidance these days to study medicine. I digress, the archetypes are just that, archetypes. Dare I say researched and disseminated by men? Again, I’m happy to be wrong. Are all women online? Of course not. But even if they were, are the archetypes achievable by women too? Of course. Believing women. You know, the flavour of the Mother of the Faithful, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (May Allah be pleased with her). As I get older, I’m even more persistent on creating and sustaining a standard of life and luxury that can solely be financed by me Inshaallah. And I firmly believe that even in my brokest of days. Ahem.

My sisters read my journal- and now I can laugh about it, but back then, I was mortified and traumatized from owning a journal for ages. An entry recalled a dream about being saved from a waterfall. Now do not ask me how, why and where I needed to be saved in a waterfall- I don’t even think I had ever seen one at 13. But what I mean to say is they were dreams, so when I first heard about this alleged research on the significance of vampires and werewolves, it made sense to me. Not because of aggression and violence that needs taming. But in the sense of having a friend to lift you and defend you and save you- the so called ride or die.

My Lord does my saving these days, even in my dreams. And I’ve come full circle. I remember having debates with friends on freebies. For a long time, I could not understand the concept of freebie coffees or lunches from unfamiliar men. I recall once getting into it with one who’d bought a friend lunch, and saw nothing wrong in extending to me. I went a couple more rounds with colleagues or school mates who’d complain that I was a weird friend. My dude, I have no male friends. It goes without saying that any offers for dates was an immediate red flag. I’m trying to recall when I have had polite gifts from men? Besides my tailor, whom I persistently promoted with a bad shopping habit? I mean free, I don’t expect anything else from you offers? Are there no strings attached freebies from strange men? I read somewhere that most men would never go out of their way to be polite to someone they don’t find attractive. I don’t know how true this is outside of my world, but I’m sure glad for akhlaq and sadaqa.

As to the green flags – drama kings and queens are a firm no. Unjustified violence- verbal, physical and the whole shebang, is an ick. So is cursing. It’s popular to curse these days. I acknowledge that this can be hard to drop. But can you imagine if we all cursed? Reminds me of people whose anger is more important than yours. I once had a Client’s wife call me to tell me that her husband has anger issues and that I should just understand him. Really 🙂

A firm moral compass is a given- when I was younger, I couldn’t really articulate what this meant. Now though, it’s a simple case of equity, equality and justice. Oh well, not so simple after all. It comes through in how one treats waiters or people they do not expect to gain from, or when they trample another’s rights. Even, ‘please can you ensure we never give a quarter to this party in this deal?’ is worthy of a cut sublime. Politely- with an internal reminder that this is definitely not green flag energy. And that you are the company you keep. These days, I don’t put up any polite facades- we will never get along, personally or professionally, so let’s not even try.

I take that back. I am fairly tolerant to my friends and acquaintances. It’s a completely different story for me. I have incredibly high standards for myself, to the point of idealism. And I fall so many times, my Lord knows. But He helps me rise up every time. Sadly, I’m not tolerant either when it comes to a future partner. I expect you to walk the most walkiest of walks. A leader, in every sense of the word. An imperfect one, mind, but one who grows from mistakes, reflects and makes amends. Can you ask for forgiveness from the Creator, without asking from His creation?

Have standards, they said. Finished school. Work. Then relax them, they said. They like to say a lot of things. Never settle, my ladies. Never. Inshaallah.