I came across a post on social media of a brother (or a sister!) shaming a believing sister for photos posted in the past. Something like ‘hey I didn’t know this person was you😒’. My man, you just exposed the previous sins of your fellow sister, and this is surely a topic for another day, but it got me thinking about these posts. 2 years ago or however many years this was that this sister was posting about her beauty, was a cache of several photos that somebody took the energy to look for. And the streets, because there is no other positive way to describe the caliber of men who were commenting under it, the streets were fighting for her. Years later, this sister Maashallah who’s not only very beautiful but really accomplished in dunya, is posting almost the same thing. Come on now, this is way bigger than her. We’re having very young girls openly post their photos and beauty on social media, year in, year out. And the feedback from the community is to condemn these girls?

I don’t support these posts, but this a bigger problem than these girls’ posts. And I can’t help but point to their men. This is the nature of girls and women. They crave affirmation of their beauty and intelligence and treasurability. Women are, because their men are. This is the men’s role in their families and homes. Cushitic men, what are you doing at home to build up the self-esteem of your sisters and daughters? Do you gas them up? Do you think gheerah is just condemnation? Why are you breaking your women for street men to salivate over? Why are you letting your women be men? Why aren’t you doing your job? Come on now.

These days, women are out in the streets looking for their husbands, not because they want to. But because of society’s failure. You are not guiding your women towards eligible men. You are not allowing them to get married early, as school is a priority. So what do you want? Ladies, if your family shames you for trying to fulfill half of your deen, ask them to bring you an eligible man. Often, they have none. We are currently living in an age where men have lost their sense of responsibility. May we not be disgraced by lazy and gabby men. Dearest, until they bring you one, carry on. Not photos, mind. As long as you can back up your intentions to your Lord. As long as you can back up your actions to be those sanctioned by your Lord, forge on. Our compass is Islam, not culture.

When men become men, then women will become women. So then how can we ensure that our practices are pleasing to our Lord? A friend’s relative asked me this when I turned down an innocent overture to vet them over lunch, a.k.a a date. My brother was very smooth, I’ll grant him that. And I really don’t know the answer to that. I know a date is not it- there is no success in disobedience to our Lord. So what happens when society’s structures to promote vetting in a halal way is not available, which other way is there?

Really, what is one to do when eligible society men do not openly ask for your hand and want to date you? When they tell you to your face that your lifestyle is inconvenient to them and you need to tone down? A strange man mouthing this to a strange woman, the audacity. When they then stand in the way and announce to all and sundry, that is everyone except you, that they have ‘booked you’, as if you’re cattle on the auction block? What do you do? When they pressure your family to close the door, for them? As who? When they cannot be bothered to hold a sanctioned meaningful conversation on your values and goals in this world. My dude, what are you afraid of? When they are not brave enough to come direct, tell me please, what do you do?

Unfortunately, I do not have the answers today. It is enough for me to know that The Watchful, The Responsive One never lets the rewards of the good-doers go to waste. My dearest ladies, we are the servants of a just Lord. And to Him we turn. Never does He disappoint those who place their trust in Him. Never.