Courtesy: IndeedIAm, megpoulindeed.com (2014) Title courtesy: Warsan Shire

People are generally annoying. They’re annoying in the morning when they pipe up and distract you from your plans to save the world, they’re annoying when they munch their food loudly –Urgghh , I usually want to crawl into a hole when I hear this sound! – they’re annoying when they breathe.

Make me understand why someone’s sole agenda in this world would appear to be the intentional distraction and encroachment into other people’s lives?! Have you ever met such people? Needy, nosy, helplessly manipulative, who unfailingly and consistently violate your time and privacy with their suffocating demeanor? People who do not understand the concept of personal boundaries, who demand and unflinchingly abuse the borrowed personal effects of others, and once called to account for such dishonourable behaviour, prevaricate by attempting to shame the owners for valuing items over people? People who have no understanding of the concept of amana, and casually endeavour to get out of remedying the breach of such trusts by, again, tediously attempting to chasten their owners for supposedly pursuing materialism in a temporary world? Would you believe such people exist in this day and age, when a majority have been exposed to education and civilization, which you would then think, justifiably engineered an emancipation to their conduct?

Well, my dearest readers, I can reliably inform you that they’re alive. And their behaviour, most assuredly, never ceases to surprise me everyday. Why would someone need to smack their lips when eating, why do they have to breathe loudly? Why is it so hard to eat silently? Why? Would you choke to death if you failed to slurp your soup? And if you walked into a hush room where its inhabitants obviously desire tranquility to better concentrate, without clicking your heels? Do people not understand the concept of silence and solitude?

I deserve a trophy for the number of times I have prevented myself from flying into a rage at these needless distractions. So needless because they’re not simply just distractions, oh how I wish it were that simple, but they’re symptomatic of society’s degradation of all we know of proper deportment currently, symptomatic of a general disrespect of personal boundaries, symptomatic of a clear devaluation of some of our most cherished traits in humanity and all that we understand of progressive civilization, symptomatic of a seemingly contagious disease of lunacy, chaos and noise prevalent in current times!

My dearest readers, their audacity knows no restrictions. Would you believe that they would still further request for use of your items after they have misplaced or damaged property that you once gave them? And their disbelief at your gall to deny them access to this property is astounding. I mean, words cannot describe their apparent incredulity that you would say nay – it is a thing of beauty really. Have you ever met people who know your drawers and phone better than you do? Whom, when shown a message see nothing wrong with scrolling up to previous messages, to decipher the “jist of the conversation”. Who seemingly lack understanding of the concept of privacy and consent? And who decline to order for food, and once yours arrives see nothing wrong in diving in, and sipping your drinks before you, when they had most clearly stated they did not wish to eat? And who call you, and attempt to speak, when they are evidently in the midst of doing a private chore such as, say, the world saving undertaking of brushing their teeth? I mean, are you foaming at the mouth at such impudence? Because I absolutely, elaborately, am!

Why is it so hard for people to respect personal property placed in their care, when they so humbly petitioned for it? If you cannot, I beg you, please don’t solicit for it, I assure you, you can survive perfectly without it, it is an item after all. And please refrain from constantly initiating conversation and interrupting my solitude and peace, when I’m trying so hard to concentrate on one of my endeavours? If you have to, and I’m in the zone, please text me such a warning?  Please order your own food, and if you can’t, please inform me so I may order it for you. I don’t mind, honestly. Please respect people’s personal boundaries. And for God’s sake, please never call someone, I urge you never to call when you are partaking of your meal. We wouldn’t want to compete with the absolute glory, beauty and sensory delight associated with such an endeavour. Please try not to lose other people’s items, don’t misuse other people’s items. Please don’t break other people’s items, certainly not those that are evidently sentimental to them. If this happens, it is totally allright as we’re very much cognizant and understanding of your general clumsiness, ineptitude and irresponsibility. Just fess up, and you know what you could do to make it up to us? Replace them with something of similar functionality, you wouldn’t replace our attachment to the said lost items but I assure you, we would appreciate the gesture. And you would be in our good books. There’s benefits to this, trust me.

And I beg you, please don’t read my messages when I haven’t given you permission to do so, not even the one right next to the one I showed you that you simply couldn’t avoid reading. I promise you, if there was anything interesting there you’d be the first to know. And please don’t attempt to psycho-analyse me for your amusement, which I consider an attack really, for behaviours you deem “weird“. Weird is subjective, and if I needed a shrink, you’re currently unqualified for it. Please give me notice before you spring strangers upon me and expect me to entertain them – I need time to psyche myself up for such experiences. And can we not discuss my personal life in public? In front of acquaintances? Kindly? Or bring up other people’s business unless they directly affect mine? I assure you, I can temper my curiosity if you can. Please don’t bring up your problems for the idiotic purpose of venting or “airing them out.” They’re perfectly fine without the air. And guess what, they’re still problems without solutions. And please don’t attempt to reprimand me for bringing this up to your attention, certainly not in public, I promise you, unless I’m having an absolutely fantastic day *kicks body bag over the hill* , ahem, which so rarely happens, I will not let this slide, and my comebacks are almost guaranteed to cause irrevocable permanent personal damage.

Thankfully, I’m usually very tolerant and forgiving of people’s shortcomings, and I force myself to take in such shenanigans from time to time to build my mind stamina.  Not all the time, mind. And these annoyances don’t generally last long however forbidding my expression, and I will not hold a grudge against you unless you screwed up BIG TIME, consistently and dissolutely, in which case I will erase you from my life, but oh no! you will not be let off that easy as I will formally add you to my black book wherein you will take your place amongst my list of enemies whom I deliberately annoy in regular intervals, for my amusement- welcome to eternal condemnation.

Yes of course, people are more valuable than items. Sometimes. Certainly not when their lives are hardly in danger, which is 99% of the time. And yes, personal boundaries have to be balanced with the need to closely socialize and live with each other. This does not have to be 99% of the time – I have heard of nobody that perished of solitude and silence. Practice it sometimes, it may surprise you. And honey, the next time you think that something is an uphill battle, I beg you, please don’t go to war. What can I say, it happens to be my thing.

With all due respect,

LD.