5 years ago, I lamented here about a friend who’d chosen to betray me. I shut that book and moved on. Well, almost 5 years later, sis contacted me out of the blue with a different number, and asked me to unblock her. I unblocked and waited for my apology. The call went on and on about the toxic space she was in when she abused me and betrayed me, and her disbelief that I would throw her to the side like that. Okaaaaay. Still, I remained positive, my apology would eventually come.

Sis needed advice in setting up her business – I’m happy to help. There were unsolicited praises about my honesty et cetera, you know, what I usually do to butter up my mum before asking an impossible ask. There were many excuses shared and her regret at the loss of our friendship – at one point though, there was an attempt to infantilize my “outburst” and intolerance to her betrayal, which of course I pushed back on. And the call went on and on – still patiently waiting for my apology here– and then click, it went off.

Guys, there was no apology. So that was it for me. I would not be available to someone who did not know how to apologize. This is a girl who went out of her way to hurt me, and years later thought life is bigger than small hurts. My girl, what are you on about? Life is all about the small things. Sis called again. Because of course she would. I’m a walkover, you know. Nope, you’re not entitled to my time or energy. Dropped sis a text that I have to honour my feelings and our chapter is over. My best to you sis, but we’re not going back. The response was scathing, but closure nonetheless.

Human beings never fail to amaze me. What in the world would make someone fail to apologize even after being told how much they hurt you last time? Sis needed niche advice within my domain- you couldn’t even swallow your pride for this? Astounding. I love to see cushitic women succeed. I would love to help you and support you, if I could. But I will not burn myself again for you. Come on people. To any friends who do want to make amends, surely this means taking responsibility for hurting your friend? Nobody cuts off relationships in this very small cushitic business women’s world without reason. Certainly not me – when I come across fellow introverts who are low maintenance, I’m a girlie for life. I don’t give up friends, unless you are deliberately hurtful and negative for my overall well being.

Now forgiveness? Yes, I will forgive you. How can I not forgive you when I constantly ask my Lord for His forgiveness. I have no pride in anything to do with The King. And forgetting – you’re in luck, I have a short memory and I genuinely do forget transgressions, even outright enemies from time to time, when life gets too busy. Ahem. But going back? Sis, I’m not a fool. Especially if you went out of your way to betray me. A believer is not hurt from the same hole – you feel me? I don’t turn the other cheek sis, yet – I can’t fathom the strength of people who do that. It literally goes against your instinct and self preservation to allow space to a betrayer.

Coming from a girl who’d burn bridges with all the bodies on it, I think I’ve come a long way😎. I mean, I gave space to a former friend. I’ve genuinely forgiven sis, missing apology notwithstanding. I’m glad she gave me the closure to tell her what she did to me. Okay, she didn’t. I took it upon myself to remind her. Sis, being at peace with someone doesn’t mean picking up the friendship like nothing happened. Is it possible to unpoison a well? I once read about the Prophet (Peace be upon him) who forgave Wahshi ibn Harb (May Allah be pleased with him) for killing his uncle Hamza ibn Abdul Muttalib (May Allah be pleased with him) at Uhud, once he accepted Islam. But Wahshi was a painful reminder of his beloved’s death so the Prophet (Pbuh) asked him to hide his face in his presence. Okay okay, sis didn’t unalive anyone here. But I was hurt, people. And I’m going to honour my feelings.

Sis, I wish you joy and success and cushitic excellence…over there. Please don’t call me again.