Everest (2010). Credit: Vivian Henderson, gwcaia.com 

Cicero. Seneca. Epictetus. Bezos. Musk. Gates. Me. Ahem. What’s the difference between us all really but a few thousand years and a few billion dollars? You’ve got to gas yourself up sometimes.

300 B.C. 2019 A.D. It’s not all bad, you see. History. Philosophy. The Art of Acquiescence. The love of fate. Ancient religion, to all the agnostics and atheists in the house. Okay, I can’t resist poking at you. I have never met a more prepared lot in my life. I don’t know what it is about me that always drives them to spontaneously rave, with chapter and verse, and so admirably presented, at the absurdness of our lives. We’d be talking about the most random of things – the chicken in my sandwich is stale, and off they go- you know what else is stale? Religion! I mean, relax you guys. So you went through some tough times in your life and no miraculous help was forthcoming? Guess what, we all did? It’s supposed to build your character. And what’s this about drawing a line between not believing in something and not knowing whether there’s something worth believing in. And then there’s people who combine the two for good measure. Agnostic atheism. Whaaaaat? I can’t stand people who sit on the fence. And it’s the thing to do these days- Aah, I’m not saying that climate change doesn’t exist but it goes both ways. So do you believe it or not, man? Urggh! Anyways, philosophers, billionaires and stoicism. I like!

It looks a little bit like this. I was speaking to a good friend who’d recently called to ask about some guy who was interested in marrying her. This guy and I? Oil and water. We’re biased. I’d be the very last person to advise her. So off I went to ask my miss goody two shoes of a friend- you know those people in your life who never have anything bad to say about anyone? Envy them to bits! But then this girl was also like mais non mademoiselle! Tu es folle! He’s like chlamydia-you stay far away from it! Err, she didn’t exactly say that, but when I think of the grossest of the gross in the world, I think of chlamydia.

My uni had us go through a mandatory HIV/AIDS course in first year to possibly traumatize us from having sexual relations? I genuinely don’t know what the purpose was, it was always Sodom and Gomorrah back in the residence halls. But one thing that stuck with me since then? Chlamydia. And gonorrhea. When I think back to the worst of the worst, chlamydia comes to mind. Rolls of my tongue easier. So this guy, bad like chlamydia! The first time I met him, I mean the very first time I met the guy, he interrupted, admittedly a monologue of my dad’s achievements and his scholarly pursuits, to ponder on how he managed to take care of his many children on a teacher’s salary. This is what I always say. Don’t ask people questions whose answers you’re not prepared to listen to. My dad? Monologue. My cat? Monologue. My work? One word. Please don’t interrupt people? Especially if you’ve got nothing good to say? And how dare you confuse scholars with teachers?! Ahem.

Fast forward to 2019, and my friend tells me she’s actually considering this specimen for life. It’s all I needed – permission to lay my good opinion at her door. Err, none? Have you ever met people about whom you have very little good to share? I tried, Lord knows I did! It was all chlamydia but I valiantly fought to translate my violent opposition into something more acceptable. I would have previously raved to my heart’s content, and swam in guilt afterwards. These days, I track back on the vitriol and distill my thoughts to focus on virtue over vice. Not exactly what people are expecting to hear but they don’t sleep in my bed at night. You know, something that balances my responsibility to tell the truth regarding someone’s marriageable prospects and a gossip sesh that I can sleep with.

So I thought, phew I’m done with that nasty business. Only for my girl to call me the next day and relay that chlamydia had interesting ideas regarding marriage. To be specific, he thought highly of a “secret nikah” a.k.a prostitution patched up with a marriage certificate, and would she mind considering it? I can’t even speak about it here, it needs its own post. I had had it! Chlamydia graduated to gonorrhea, and I couldn’t stand to hear a minute’s more of that conversation. Which was sad, because she needed to vent. But I was slipping to the point of no return. My fingers still itch to call him up and tell him exactly what I think of him. And men of his ilk. Familiar territory. It’s what I have always done. And still crave to do. Not to say that he will not get the cut sublime the very next time I meet him. That is the barest he deserves from me. And that I introduced my friend to an ogre. Urrghh! But stoicism, you guys. Cool beans.

Forbearance. Fortitude. Phlegm. You know you’ve got it bad when such words excite the hell out of you! Those are the worst. The rest are all feel good. Long-sufferingness. Restraint. Temperance. Okay okay, I was kidding. That aside though, Ryan Holiday’s Daily Stoic is a must read! Trust me, you start with the likes of Marcus Aurelius (kill me) and then you get to the meatier parts and you’re like, hang on? Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me? You mean, I can hack the ultimate computer? My own mind?

Since my introduction in uni, the stoic philosophy has always stood out as one of the most fascinating ideologies in history. Still fascinating, because it needs oodles of strength of mind, which I lack. You know what drives me? The unattainable. But it’s more than that. It’s accepting that you have no control over most aspects of your life, and that a change in attitude to look for the virtue that you should be learning in the adversity currently before you, goes a long way.  It’s a more sophisticated approach to live and let live. Because it teaches you to not only accept what has happened, but to enjoy it all, whatever it is! Really. At its simplest, it’s the acknowledgment of the unpredictability of the world and the encouragement to be steadfast, to be in control of our emotions and reflexive senses. Reflexive senses FBI and Mossad style? That was my hook!

I’m obsessed with the idea of cultivating an excellent mental state. And stoicism is all about it, you guys. The acceptance that you can control very few things in your life to eliminate the unhappiness resulting from thinking that you can control things that, in fact, you can’t. We can’t control what’s happening around us, what people around us say or do. We can’t even control our own bodies that get sick and damaged and fail us. But we can control how we think about them. Which leads me to the second thread. That it’s not necessarily those people or actions or things that upset us, but how we think about them. That everything we think-whether happy, sad, fearful, mad- is a product of the judgments that we make. That things in themselves are value neutral, for what might be devastating to us might be welcomed by others. That it’s those value judgments that generate our emotional reactions. It’s the ultimate paradox, as Epictetus points out- that while we may have almost no control over anything, we also have the ability, through our change in attitude, to see the virtue in everything around us and have potentially complete control over our happiness.

Whatever gas I’d be smoking in those pages, I need some more of it. Because hunteys, I be chilling these days! A client would call me with 3 different instructions to their work, and I’d most probably have gone off handle on them. Not anymore, I actually do it with a smile. No really, a proper genuine smile. Someone else trying to slow down my roll? Again, cool beans. I’m like, you do you honey. Carry on wasting your time by being spiteful towards others. I mean, you’ll still get back exactly what you give. Now I know, I know, you’re all wondering about Trump. And Netanyahu.

There are no sad endings for those who trust in Allah. I read this somewhere and it stuck with me. There are no sad endings, you guys, if you believe in the philosophy of justice as ordained by the laws of nature, the laws of our Creator. The “you pay for everything you do here, and beyond,” even when you see horrible people living the life. Forget about them. They’re going to hell. Err, I kid of course. Not really? Honestly, just try your best to do good and be good. You will never attain the perfection of actions and ethos required of you for a full twenty-four hours. But you can try. And that’s all that is asked of you. That you get up after every fall and keep trying. Have you ever seen the ending of good people? To die for!

Enough about this venting to people business, I’m done people. Besides the unimaginable guilt, you somehow always end up looking like the bad guy. Haven’t asked for my opinion? Cool beans, man. You can do whatever and say whatever about me. That’s on you. Just don’t be unjust in front of me, and for God’s sake, don’t kill people either! Anything and everything else, I’m mute. Do you boo boo.

It’s not easy. But nobody said it would be. Whatever nonsense that goes on around me these days, I swallow my words and turn to my Lord. Which better listener is there anyway?