Courtesy: iStock by Gettyimages (2018)

It’s an indescribable feeling. It’s to see the edges of the ocean, unhindered. To not have to peep behind a tall world, something I’ve had to get used to in life. But it’s more than that. It’s to remove the shackles of restraint off my mind. To see myself for whom I really am. What I have allowed in, what I have done, and what I’m capable of. The good, the great, the absolutely beautiful, and the unpleasant that I can no longer disassociate from. There were more than a few black spots, a few curves. For the most part though, we’ve been on that wire. Balancing as best as we knew how, never knowing that we were handicapped with a visor. And it’s as if someone has removed it now and I can look ahead with crisp clarity at everything around me, and see blinding light, hope, and happiness.

As a Cushitic woman, as a Black woman, as a Muslim woman, I cannot tally the number of times someone has told me to be less than. To lower my voice, to slow down my walk. To be more feminine. To be more accommodating. To smile more. To chill. The number of times I have been told that whatever I do, my place is behind a more capable man. But I can count the number of times they have been. Capable, that is, and reliable. And they get away with it, every time. That will never be you, you have no margin for error, don’t you know? And so I would smile at this advice delivered oh so politely, with evident concern. And laugh in the privacy of my own company. But then it becomes pervasive, and it starts getting to you. It gets to your psyche, and your spirit. And you find yourself doing things that subconsciously affirms this lunacy of thinking.

Your mind, just like your body, needs regular watering. With positive vibes, with attainable goals, with affirmation, and positive people. It needs your care. And regular attention. My darlings, please take care of your minds. The value of a healthy mind is priceless. Release those fetters my loves, you wouldn’t imagine the life that awaits you once you do. But you must make that one step forward towards deliverance, no one can do it for you. Towards freedom. You wouldn’t imagine the endless sphere of that horizon. It’s a beautiful struggle, a struggle coated with hope and oiled by love. A love of self, inferred through honest self reflection. And for me, a craving of opportunity. A firm belief that all my dreams are achievable, and that they do come true after all. With grit.

My darlings, the next time someone tells you to dim your light so that a man can shine in your presence, tell them to shut up and work on themselves. You are all that, and more. I dare you to let your mind believe it. Your soul is but a slave to it. So do not be enslaved to believe that you are less than anyone. And that you need to temper your demands to allow others to fit in with you. You are the universe wrapped in splendour. It’s not you, you are everything.

And I hope you can promise me this – that you will never take your mind, and all it entails, for granted. It is your compass in this turbulent world. And your tool to forge forward, either positively or repressively. And there’s a world of difference in those two journeys, no matter the outcome. So commit to place those manacles under a microscope, and remove them one painful click at a time. It is slow, it is distressing beyond belief. But I promise you it’s worth it. This calm, the peace of mind, it’s all worth it. To visualize my unhindered progress hereon? How could I put a price to this?

It’s okay to look back at that version of you, to laugh and cry at her foibles. At her slips, and her imperfections. But she belongs in the past. Laugh with her, cry with her, but tell her to put her chin up. It gets better. The jagged edges of those rocks still abound, but we’re not as naive, we’ve built stamina by this point.  It was okay my love, she made us who we are now. She owes us no apologies, we’re steel tempered now.

It’s okay to be a man, whatever that means. And the next time anyone tells you this, I give you permission to tell them to put a sock in it. No one, no one, has the right to tell you to change who you are. To dilute your essence to make them comfortable. You do not owe anyone comfort, at the expense of you. Why should you? You are beautiful beyond belief. But most importantly, you are you, there’s no one else like you, there can only be one of you. So be you, it is enough.