Courtesy: gettyimages.com (2015)

August fourth has always been an uncertain day for me. On the one hand, I’m excited to welcome a new year and get to some of my favourite things – planning, replanning and adding more items to my goals list, as if whatever I had was not enough. On the other, it’s shaky because I have to self-reflect and take myself to account for whatever mistakes I have made the past year. It has never been about the highs with me, it’s the stumbles that keep me awake at night.

This year, I decided to do something different. I’m determined to hype myself up, against my better nature. I’m always muttering meh, this has been done before. How unoriginal? Great, but it could be better? There’s always been an unsatisfied aspect to me, I’m a relenting mistress to work for. And no one knows it better than my soul. We love her and hate her in equal measures. But we’ve learnt to live with each other, the censurer and the appeaser, we’ve learnt to tolerate each other.

There are so many positives that I could take since we last saw this date. Last year, at a time like this, I was so stressed. I loved my job but hated my boss. And now? I love my boss, yours truly, but if I’m honest, I’m not crazy about my job. I don’t get why people would love to run around clients, dishonourable ones at that, for money, or always have to be on guard against anyone who wishes to screw you over. I don’t get excited about trying to bury someone else in a deal. Or disparaging someone’s rights or claims because they don’t happen to be my client. I genuinely don’t get the hoopla around entrepreneurship, besides the independence – that I rejoice in. It’s the rest that I can’t wrap my head around. And I must admit, I feel extremely ungrateful saying this because I could never compare to where I was last year. I was robotic, and I’m now a human robot, I jest, I’m human. And I can relax, and get a chance to write this rambling post that seems to be going nowhere. I’m bored people!

I did have one of those days, boring beyond belief, chilled out to the nines, no work, spent some time reading – the fictional kind mind, sipping fennel tea, did I mention no work, and no guilt? I jest of course, the guilt is ever present – my very own Damocles sword, hanging out with friends, watching animation movies. Angry birds. Christoper Robin. And nostalgic memories of one of my most favourite of storybooks and characters – Winnie the Pooh, and Piglet, Eeyore, Roo, Tigger, Kanga, Owl, Rabbit. Aaah, for the longest time, Winnie the Pooh was my password for everything.

Just the right kind of corny picture I needed today. And ordinarily I wouldn’t be moved by these foggy scenes, I would in fact be making sarcastic comments after every slide, but not when it comes to Pooh. And not today. Ordinarily, I would count today as a wasted day. That I did nothing, and without any productive work, I had failed as a human being. But I’m determined to change things up this year, relax more, do more of nothing, well my version of nothing at least, life is too short.

So that’s how I choose to start this year, with this peace and calm. And gratefulness. And to escape my mind, just for a day. Did I mention that I switched off my phone at some point? The buzz, the retreat, the cheek when you’ve got a business – I highly recommend it.

So today is all about the nonjudgmental friend, that indulgent monster in me. And tomorrow inshaallah? I’ll do a bit of both. Relax, hang some more with friends, do a bit of work, and take myself to account. Tomorrow, I will lament and reflect on the mental stimulation that I crave, and feel I lack in my current job. I will ponder on whether I need to go back to employment to get a stab at this. I don’t know if I can work for someone else though, I’m intractable when it comes to orders, and I lack the constitution that everyone seems to have when it comes to according respect to authority, I suffer at this, especially when I find it undeserving. You see, it may seem to be a mutual hate this, myself and all my employers, whom I have always left.

Today though, I will remind myself, just like Pooh, that it’s my favourite day, today. And yesterday and tomorrow are too much day for me. And how about another year of this, eh? Can you believe it? Neither can I. But I have so much faith and hope in this season. I have a good feeling about this one. To another year inshaallah!