When was the last time you thought of your passage from this world? Do you ever imagine it could be you or is it an abstract scenario where you envision someone else passing, a stranger perhaps or a relative or friend whose life would very rarely intertwine with yours? Someone you’d be sad about losing or have been sad about losing and you’d remember, again in an abstract way, of the certainty of your own passing, for a minute! before getting lost in the rush personified by this world? I would certainly try to empathize with anyone who’d lost a loved one but I can’t say I have ever really understood how they felt. Or how their lives changed from their loss. And how they struggled to control their emotions whenever people would mention their loved ones or how they succeeded in putting a lock to the grief that threatened to erupt at the most inopportune of times as they attempted to move on with their lives. Yes, I can’t say I really understood, until my beloved father recently left this world and went to meet The Eternal Lord. And then I came to my senses regarding my mortality and the impermanence of this world. The saddest bit about it is that He does remind us a lot about this certainty but for some reason we choose to ignore or forget about it. “And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter, that is the eternal life, if only they knew.” (Quran 29:64) Really, how often do we reflect on this?

When you think of yourself and your place in this world, do you ever marvel at your insignificance  in the whole scheme of things? That you are one soul on this earth, which is only one planet in the solar system amidst thousands of inter alia yet discoverable smaller planets, asteroids and meteoroids? Just one slave among a million others at present or who came before and after you, steadfast in their worship of The Accounter? That you are in need of Him when He does not need you, Exalted be He? That being that tiny person, Allah The Sacred and The Mighty, remembers you amongst the billions of your kind, when you do not remember Him and yet you only have one Lord?

The Swahili people have a famous saying, mwenzako akinyolewa, wewe tia lako maji (When your companion’s head is being shaved, wet yours). It’s a reminder that one should strive to always prepare themselves- thus when a loved one dies, I should know that I’m next in line and act accordingly. But do I? Indeed, what have I to show for my time here? When my Lord questions me on the Day of Reckoning, what words and actions will I have to save myself? If I were to die today, or the next hour, what have I got on my plate to show my Creator?

A few months later, just as I did when those strangers, friends and relatives passed away, life moves on for everyone else… except me. I don’t know if I will ever forget the stunning unwrinkled face of my late father, may Allah have mercy on him, the fleeting warmth of his forehead and the stillness of his corpse. I don’t know if I will ever forget the sweet fragrance of his shrouded self and sharp taste of his musk when I last kissed his dear face. Indeed, I pray that I will never forget as it is a sign that my day will yet come. And when I depart, I fervently hope that I depart this world a good soul.  I hope my legacy is that I helped people; that I improved upon what fell on my lap and I stood firm for truth and justice; that I never begged for anything and relied on my Lord for everything; that I was honest in my dealings with people; that my intentions, words and actions were pure; and, that I was a positive influence to those around me. And I hope that my loved ones would take comfort in that when I leave this most temporary abode, just as I take immense comfort in the kindness, generosity, teachings and deeds of my father, may Allah have mercy on him and reward him immensely.

I also found comforting the text of a poem that I discovered ensconced in one of my late father’s books:

When I die

Jalaluddin Muhammad Rumi (1207-1273) in An-naseehah, 15 Shawwal 1428

My Lord, The Everlasting One, The Glorious, The Guide to Repentance and The Responder to Prayer, I pray that you forgive me and make me mindful of your presence, the certainty of my death and of the Day of Reckoning. I pray that you make me steadfast upon the right path, that you make me kind, and just and generous. My Lord, I pray that you make me firm in doing good in this world, not expecting any good from anyone but because you are The Doer of Good, and you love the good doers. My Lord, The Gatherer, The Restorer and The Resurrector, I pray for a reunion with my father and all my loved ones in a place far much better than this world where souls find peace, I pray for al-firdaus al’ala. My Lord, you are The Sustainer, The Ever Living One and The Bestower of Honour, I pray that you bestow your honour on me and my father, my mother and my siblings and their families, and our friends and their families, and the entire Muslim ummah, in this world and the Hereafter. Ameen.